Monday, November 26, 2012

A Tale of Two Toes

Warning!  This post may not be appropriate for young children or the faint of heart.  While not sexually oriented, unless you like toes, the pictures I have included describe what happens when you regularly wear cowboy boots and pound your toes into the end of hiking boots backpacking hundreds of miles on the High Plateau.
Sheep dogs are fortunate in that we aren't vain like people.  Since we don't wear shoes, we don't spend time trying to match our foot wear with our current outfit or activity.  If you haven't noticed, my outfit is pretty much the same all the time except, maybe, after I have been groomed.  Even an old man like Dangerous suffers from the vanity found among many young women as he tries to find the perfect footwear to match his not so stylish western outfits.  At least he gave up the ridiculous looking cowboy hat that a man without a neck should never wear.  No dog in her right mind would wear cowboy boots which pinch your toes into grotesque shapes and are almost impossible to walk in.  The picture below shows Dangerous' decline from his high fashion, handmade Wilson cowboy boots to a surgical shoe.

Cowboy Foot Wear for the Vain
 
It's well known that Old Dangerous has a high pain threshold; however, our September Escalante River hike finally convinced him that surgery was necessary.  I am not sure I could have walked 20 miles carrying a pack on those toes.  At least he had the good sense to visit a qualified medical professional rather than having Utah Jack, Fremont Bob, or Walking Horse Bill try and fix his foot.  They all had their preferred procedures from amputation to flattening and straightening his toes with an anvil and hammer.
Before Surgery
 
This time, Dangerous had the good sense to plan his surgery after the hiking season ended and horse riding slowed down.  In May, he had prostate surgery that kept him sidelined for six weeks, and you can imagine how that affected his cheery personality.  He scheduled his surgery about right this time, but he couldn't keep his big mouth shut at the hospital which almost cost him more than his toes.  The surgery occurred the day after the Presidential election which, as you know, didn't go as desired for predominantly Mormon Utah.  Well, as you probably guessed, Dangerous couldn't help himself and had to bait all the Republican doctors operating on his foot.  If I have the story right, the anesthesiologist told him to "shut up if he knew what was good for him."  It might have been Dangerous' comment that the losing candidate could still be President of Utah that set the doctor off.  Dangerous always scratches his head in puzzlement when he gets these reactions, and mutters something about those humorless SOB's who don't understand or appreciate satire.  Even a sheep dog like me knows the difference between satire and sarcasm, and I didn't attend college for 14 years like those doctors.
Redneck Bandage
 
I suspect to take a little revenge the doctors and nurses decided to wrap his foot in a camouflage bandage suggesting that he really has right wing tendencies.  But little did they know that Dangerous has deep roots in the redneck community which he tries to keep secret from his few left leaning, intellectual friends.  Most of his buddies know that he fits in better with the crowd at the Cross Roads of the West gun show rather than with a liberal group attending an academic symposium.  Just ask him and he will freely tell you he is just a redneck kid who went to college who prefers reading books to fixing his own pickup truck.
 
    After Surgery
 
By the looks of his foot, I think those doctors got their revenge.  They told him that by summer he will be able to run barefoot on the beach.  I suspect that they are putting him on due to his "satire" before surgery.  By summer, young children will still run shrieking to their mother's at the sight of his bare feet.  But, I doubt that he really cares as long as he can get his cowboy and hiking boots back on and hit the High Plateau trails without nagging pain.  I will let you know how it all turns out.  Love to hear from you!


Saturday, November 17, 2012

Rogue's Gallery

As you well know, Australian Shepherds are frequently recognized as being very intelligent dogs.  Some say Standard Poodles top the list, but how can anyone accept as intelligent a dog with one of those outlandish haircuts.  Others will tell you that border collies are the most intelligent canines, but unbridled activity does not necessarily equate with brains.  How many poodles or border collies do you know who write their own internationally read blog?

While Aussie's are bright, I have to confess to a slight intellectual imperfection.  I can't keep track of all the horses that come and go through my life.  I have to admit that from ground level they all look and smell the same.  My reason for concern is that I might follow the wrong horse one day and lose my happy home.  A bigger concern is that we might meet on the trail, and you won't recognize me.  So, to solve my problem I have created what I call a Rogue's Gallery of horses that are currently involved in my life.  These pictures and brief biographical sketches may help you recognize me on the trail.  You never know when I might need directions or even worse, I might miss greeting one of my loyal readers.  So, with your indulgence sit back and enjoy my equine friends.  They are not listed in any particular order.

Gennie

You met Gen is a previous blog, so I won't say much other than she is probably Dangerous' favorite.  Gen is big, tall, pretty, and sweet.  Her only fault is that she hates dogs, and I mean with the intent to kill.  Unlike most of the other horses, she was bred and raised in Wyoming rather than Utah or California.  Maybe that explains her bad behavior towards me and all other dogs.

Thunder

Thunder belongs to Walking Horse Bill, and is a regular in his riding rotation.  Getting along in years, he still lives up to his name.  When you climb on, you better have a tight hold on his reins.  Even at his age, this very traditional, black Walking Horse knows only one speed -- fast.
Zephyr
Another of Bill's horses, Zephyr has fathered some members of the current gallery including Dottie and Bug.  He rarely leaves his stall because like most males he has only one thing on his mind, but Zephyr is an unusually quiet and cooperative stallion.
Balthazar
At first glance, you might think Balthazar, Bill's favorite mount, belongs on the Serengeti out distancing a lion.  He is the tallest and leanest horse I know, but don't let those protruding hips fool you.  Balthazar can really step out, and refuses to follow any other horse.  You might not notice me on the trail, but this big boy never goes unnoticed, and is always seen in the lead.
Misty
Humble Misty is Bill's guest horse that anyone can ride.  She is usually found in the middle of the pack with the most inexperienced rider on board.  Misty has the unusual talent of convincing novice riders that they are actually riding rather than sitting.  However, she understands instantly when a more experienced rider climbs on and perks right up stepping out in a beautiful four-beat lateral gait.
Rose
According to Dangerous, Rose is by far his best riding horse.  She will climb a tree if the bark will hold, swim the deepest rivers without prodding, and dive off a steep bank without hesitation.  Her only fault; she doesn't like other horses.  Sullen and independent, Rose can't be bothered with the social niceties of herd etiquette.  Most anyone can ride her, but don't put her in a enclosure with other horses she doesn't know, or she will try to eat them alive.  Her aggressive behavior is especially pronounced around males of her species.  Smart girl don't you think?

Bug
Next to Gennie, Bug is the youngest and sweetest in this gallery.  She was bred, born, and raised in St. George.  Bug is very refined with a pretty head, delicate legs and excellent Walking Horse gait.  Like some of the other St. George horses, she doesn't especially like water.  Maybe she and the others raised in the desert get their water phobia from having only seen it spurting from a hose or in a horse trough.
Dottie
Until Gen showed up, Dottie was Dangerous' main ride.  She is Bug's sister and her father is Zephyr.  Dottie has a sweet temperament that extends to sheep dogs, but is afraid of everything that blows in the wind.  On occasion she can be a challenge to ride, but Dangerous loves her dearly.  Because of her color and not so perfect head, she has occasionally been mistaken for a mule which really offends Dangerous.
Sweetie
Sweetie is a stunningly beautiful Walking Horse who is a bit lame.  Like Gen she comes from the Box Hanging Three Ranch in Dubois, Wyoming.  She is in semi-retirement, but Bill hopes to raise another foal from her with the same great bloodlines and Walking Horse traits.
Chief
Chief is the only horse I know not from California, Wyoming, or Utah.  How he got here from Mississippi is a mystery to me and his owner Kent as well.  While a bit herd bound, Chief is a mellow-mannered fellow who Dangerous borrows occasionally when guests visit from out-of-state to ride.  According to his owner, Chief is eight, but all of Kent's horses are eight because he can't remember when he got them or how long he has had them.  Dangerous and Kent were riding together long before I was born, and Chief was around before that.

Blue
Blue is an aging senior who suffers from navicular disease.  Don't worry the disease isn't contagious, but a hoof aliment that limits his use a bit.  While hobbled some, Bill still uses Blue as a pack horse for his annual Yellowstone trip.  Blue is a tough old boy who carries a heavy load while walking on thick hoof pads.

Scottie
Scottie has the unique distinction of being the only Quarter Horse in the gallery, and is by far the oldest.  Utah Jack retired him from active riding a few years ago due to navicular disease and age.  He now hangs out in the pasture with Dottie keeping her company and munching grass.  By 26, most horses have usually moved on to greener pastures; but Dangerous and Utah give him the best of care, and he may live to 30 or more.  Even at his advanced age, Scottie is still the dominant horse in any pasture.  During his prime, he was possibly the best saddle horse at the Parasite Ranch.
According to the dictionary, a Rogue's Gallery is a collection of portraits of criminals and suspects kept by law enforcement for identification purposes.  Well, I don't want you to think of my equine buddies as criminals except maybe for Gen who has sheep dog murder in her heart, but to view these portraits and descriptions as a way to identify my traveling companions.  If you meet a horse on the trail that matches one of these descriptions, take a close look around and you might see me with my tongue hanging out from trying to keep pace.  Dangerous never passes up an opportunity to stop and talk, so when you see me, I am more than willing to chat.  I usually need the rest, and even though I am an intelligent sheep dog, I don't mind having my tummy rubbed while we converse. 


 
 

 

Friday, November 9, 2012

Parasite Ranch Expands

All big ranching operations include thousands of acres scattered among many locations.  Well, the Parasite Ranch might be small by comparison (approximately five acres total), but like the big spreads, it is now located in three different places each hundreds of miles apart --  American Fork, 1.08 acres; Grover, 3.33 acres; and St. George .79 acre. 

Little Valley -- St. George
 
The St. George locations doesn't look like much right now, but Ole Dangerous has plans.  Try and picture a barn and corrals next to the two trees on the sandy lot he and Trea recently bought.  I know it's hard but with a little imagination, you can picture Rose, Dot, and Gen wandering around eagerly waiting for Dangerous to load one of them in his horse trailer to ride on the Red Cliffs Desert Reserve.  It was the opportunity to ride year round that prompted Dangerous to move all of us almost 300 miles south for the winter.  Trea agreed to move because she gets a new house.
New Retaining Wall
 
While the house isn't under construction yet, Dangerous has already started fencing the property.  He and Walking Horse Bill are standing next to the recently completed retaining wall at the back of the lot.  Once Bill completes Trea's house plan, construction will get under way.  In the mean time, Dangerous and Utah Jack have planned the barn and stock fencing which they will build once the house is sited and the foundation dug.  Hopefully, construction will get underway in the next few months.
Street View
 
I know it's hard to believe, but our new southern Utah location is in a very nice neighborhood.  Dangerous looked for almost five years to find a place where he can keep his horses, and Trea can be close to town.  Unfortunately for Bill, Dangerous is within walking distance of his place, but he can't complain too much about having us as neighbors because he actually found the lot.  Since we are just four blocks north of Bill's horse operation, I suspect he and Dangerous will be trading horse tending duties when one of them is out of town.

Planned Pool
 
Dangerous might be building the cheapest house in a very nice neighborhood, but it won't be without important amenities that other neighbors have.  If you fly over the area using Google Earth, you will see a lot of swimming pools in various backyards.  In fact, Dangerous had a six foot high wall built at the back of the property to screen out the neighbor's pool directly behind us.  He thought his daughter-in-law might prefer the neighbor's pool to the one he has planned for our new place, or maybe he was concerned that the neighbor's guests and family might not want Rose, Dot, and Gen staring at them over the fence while they swim.  I suspect he will need to hide all the ladders around the place to keep his daughter-in-law and her children from climbing the wall to join the neighbors because I doubt the pool he has in mind will be heated.
As construction moves along, I will keep you updated about progress and misadventures.  Once the place is completed, you have a standing invitation to visit.  Supposedly, Dangerous is constructing two downstairs guest rooms with an indoor bathroom where visitors can stay.  So, let me know if you are interested, and I will try to get you a reservation.  I am now booking for the 2013 season.