"No Country for These Old Men:" The River

Dangerous Reassures Rosie

The other day Dangerous was showing me the REI Catalog. Don't start thinking he is buying expensive, high-tech hiking gear. You can tell from the picture above that Dangerous is a low tech guy. However, he does buy an occasional pair of hiking boots during closeout sales. Well, while he was thumbing through the catalog, he shared with me an ad for a K9 Float Coat. At $39.93, plus shipping, I think it is a real steal. However, Dangerous is a bit cheap and won't order it for me, so if you want to keep reading my blog, you readers need to chip in and buy me one. Unless you do, I am going to drown on one of Dangerous' crazy, backcountry expeditions.

Getting Help Crossing the River

You probably know that Aussies really like water. There is nothing I like better than a cool dip in a a lake or stream on a hot summer day. However, I don't particularly like crossing and re-crossing the Escalante River fearing that I will be swept away to Lake Powell. As you can see from the picture, I have fear in my eyes. To get across the river safely, Dangerous holds my collar and I doggy-paddle like mad. This approach works most of the time, but at his age, Dangerous sometimes struggles to maintain his footing while keeping me from being swept away. We had a few close calls when I thought both of us might have to swim for it. I figure I had a chance because Dangerous does take my pack off when crossing the river. However, I figure I might need a new home if he does a face plant in the Escalante River with his pack on. Anyone interested in taking me in?

"Two Sticks"

It is interesting the impact hiking across swift water has on different people. Any other time, you would never see Utah Jack with a hiking stick in his hand. As you can see, even he changes his style and approach to stay upright while crossing fast, deep water. You need to understand that Utah won't even take baths. He is a complete, total non-swimmer. Dangerous and Denver Dan were with him years ago when he almost drown trying to swim a short stretch of narrows. He saved himself by walking, submerged, back to the sandstone bank.

Finally, Shallow Water!

The Escalante River runs through a deep, beautiful canyon choked with Coyote willows and tamarisk. Finding a consistent trail to avoid the willows and brush is impossible. You basically follow one trail after another left by cows or other hikers that eventually "peter" out. In addition to experiencing the quiet and beauty, Dangerous loves to watch first time hikers. He isn't so much interested in their reaction to the incredible natural world they see firsthand, but how they cope with difficult hiking conditions. He takes perverse pleasure in watching first time hikers who show up wearing the latest hiking shorts. Shorts are soon abandoned for long pants followed by a long sleeved shirt if they have one. Even with your legs and arms protected you usually go home with multiple scratches and contusions. If the Coyote willows and tamarisk aren't enough, an unnoticed patch of poison ivy converts hikers to long pants in a hurry not to mention the gnats and mosquitoes.

Trials End

You might think the boys were happy to see the sign marking the end of their six day adventure. By now you have probably guessed that the difficulties and adverse conditions are part of the fun. On their way to Boulder for a cheeseburger and beer they were already discussing their next adventure. You can take these guys out of the Escalante, but you can't take the Escalante out of them. Even though they talk about giving it up, I am sure all of us will be back again.

I have attached an additional blog with the pictures of the Escalante River from the Gulch junction to the Highway 12 Bridge, Also, I have one more blog entry about the trip that I plan to share with you in a few days. I thought you might be interested in seeing and meeting some of the strange creatures that inhabit the Escalante drainage. Love to hear from you!

"No Country for These Old Men:" Escalante River Gallery

Fast and Wide

Deep and Narrow

Towering Red Walls

Unmatched Beauty

No, I don't want to go back!

"No Country for These Old Men:" The Narrows

The Narrows

Every hike Dangerous takes me on has its unique challenges. Usually, he forgets to mention the cliff I am expected to scale or the deep water over my head. It isn't just me that he doesn't always fully inform. I suspect that none of us would go with him if he was completely forthcoming.

The Gulch Narrows presents an interesting challenge for a four footed critter like me. How does a sheep dog climb a nearly vertical sandstone wall? More to the point, how do four aging seniors get a 55 pound sheep dog, four 40 pound packs, and themselves to the top without serious injury? Based on firsthand experience, I can tell you it isn't easy. My toe nail scratches are permanently etched in the sandstone wall we climbed to bypass the Gulch Narrows. Dangerous and his buddies never use the alternative route through the Narrows; because, as you can see, hikers face not only broken limbs from a fall, but possible drowning.

Climbing the Log

Dangerous got the call to climb the log first and anchor the chain to ferry the packs and me to the top. He didn't go first due to his unique rock climbing or leadership skills, but because he was standing closest to the log when we stopped. Also, the others thought I might be more willing to follow him up since I live with year round. Those guys must think I am stupid or something. Who in their right mind would trust a 62 year old senior citizen to help them free-climb a cliff? Well, It wasn't a matter of trust, but, brute force that got me to the top. Dangerous climbed up, and the others pushed me up the rock, followed by the packs. After me and the packs, the other seniors scrambled up with the help of my dog leash. Since I am a dog and not a cat, I couldn't climb the log, but you can easily see the scratch marks I left in the sandstone even with the help I received. Enlarge the picture below if you don't believe me.

Up We Go!

Scratches in the Rock

Once on top, the real struggle started. Packs were shouldered, and we climbed to the rim. I am not sure if Sir Edmund Hillary actually climbed Mt. Everest, but if he did, I suspect he didn't huff and puff as much as my buddies. At anytime, I expected an old, overweight geezer to collapse with a coronary. Maybe that's why it took us almost three days to hike the 12.5 miles to the river that ten years ago took one day. Well, you must credit their effort, but I won't praise their route finding skills. Once on top, they stumbled around for hours looking for a way down. This hike was my first trip down the Gulch, so I shouldn't be expected to know the trail. Dangerous has probably hiked it at least four times, and the others have all been on the trail before. After stumbling around for hours, I thought about using one of Denver Dan's many gadgets to signal for help; but finally, they found the exit trail by accident. With lots of blank stares and questions, my aging companions struggled to remember the route they had hiked in previous years, but couldn't find today.

Exit Trail

In the following blog, I have posted additional pictures below the Narrows. I hope the picture captions give you some understanding of what it's like trailing these four characters. You don't have to ask them to pose in the various strange positions you see. Usually, they collapse into contorted piles from age and fatigue. Love to hear from you!

"No Country for These Old Men:" Below the Narrows

Finally!
Back in the Gulch

Complete Exhaustion
Can you guess why?

The River is Close
I Hope!

River Junction
Two Days Later than Planned

One Discouraged Dog
Rosie Takes a Fit
Displays Her Discontent with Current Leadership

"No Country for These Old Men:" It Starts!

Rosie Hits the Trail

Well, we are back! We returned yesterday after hiking 30 plus miles and sleeping five nights on the ground. I don't mind the hiking, but sleeping under the stars gets a bit old. I don't have Dangerous' appreciation for the constellations, and after too many deep river crossings, I am ready to rest up napping on the front lawn and sleeping at night on my dog bed.

If you think hiking is tough on me, follow the pictures and narrative that I plan to share with you the next few days. You will easily see and understand why I have called this hike "No Country for These Old Men!" Cormack McCarthy's book and movie title elegantly captures what these old duffers experienced this past week. For the first time, I heard Dangerous talk about taking shorter, easier hikes, but I am not convinced that will happen just yet. "These Old Men" have already scheduled an August forced march in the Sierras. Fortunately for me, they are hiking in Yosemite, so I get to stay home.

The Crew

To start, I thought you might be interested in the preparations and logistics involved in one of our adventures. Planning a May hike starts early in the year. Invitations are usually sent in February which gives everyone time to check their schedules and find excuses not to go. All those sitting at the table in Grover were invited, but only four marched down the Gulch the next morning. There were others who received invitations but chose not to even show up to eat bacon cheeseburgers the night before. I suspect they are the smart ones. The promise of dinner and lunch didn't tempt them to help spot trucks and hikers.

Weighing In

Before each hike, we start with our traditional weighing in ritual. Everyone wants to know who is carrying the heaviest pack. Dangerous gets out his horse packing scales, and everyone gets a chance to check the weight they are carrying. As always, Denver Dan had the heaviest pack, starting the hike with 53 lbs. He brings everything you can think of including his XM radio to listen to Denver Nugget games at night. Utah Jack had the next largest load at 48 lbs. He insists on comfort, so he chooses to carry an extra large sleeping pad and bag. Nature Dan's pack weighed 44 lbs. stocked with an ample supply of scotch, bourbon, and pipe tobacco. Dangerous had the lightest pack at 36 lbs. He can get away with the least amount of weight because he pushes part of his load on to me. My pack always includes dog food which I never eat, and extra water for Dangerous to drink. I am expected to drink directly from the stream.

Spotting the Truck

Hiking through requires spotting the truck. Without Larry and Judy's help, Dangerous and I would have to try hitch hiking back to where we put in. To get a ride, Dangerous would have to depend on me. Just about any tourist or passerby would give me a ride, but after a week sleeping on the ground, Dangerous really looks dangerous. This year we had extra help. Brian, Denver Dan's friend, helped us spot the truck and transport hikers. Brian had planned to go with us, but luckily found a good medical excuse to avoid our forced march. Larry, Judy, and Brian were rewarded with another cheeseburger this time at the Boulder Mesa Cafe for helping us spot Dangerous' truck.

Off We Go!

After all these preparations, the five of us headed down the Gulch. What follows is a brief picture gallery of stops along the way. To reach the Escalante River, we marched 12.5 miles through what the BLM and guide books call moderately strenuous hiking. I beg to differ with their classification which after following us for a week I think you will understand. Love to hear from you!

"No Country for These Old Men:" Gulch Gallery

Kelly Cabin

First Camp

Gulch Trail

Second Line Cabin

Gulch Narrows

High Plateau Social Scene

Before Dinner Exercise

You might think that all we do is ride, hike, and eat while in Grover. You are mostly right thinking that, but there are times we actually get invited out. Local friends take pity on us and frequently extend a welcome dinner invitation or two. After days and days of eating Dangerous' greasy cooking, a well cooked meal at Clark and Teri's or Larry and Judy's is something to look forward to. At Grover, you never have to worry about getting enough to eat, but sometimes volume isn't a good substitute for quality. As Dangerous tells all Grover dinner guests, he will cook anything he can fit in a Dutch Oven, and you get your steak cooked his way.

Clark, Lefty, and Teri

The menu at Clark and Teri's is more diverse and varied than the usual cheeseburgers, steaks, or hot dog you're usually served in Grover. Dangerous' cooking can't compare with the incredible-edible delights that Teri whips up in her kitchen. According to Dangerous, the other night she started the boys (Dangerous, Fremont, Bronze-Age-Man, and Clark) with roast lamb ribs. If that wasn't enough, she placed a huge plate of chicken cacciatore in the middle of the dinner table. Add a slice of homemade bread and a bottle of 6.0 Colorado brew, and you really have a meal to talk about. Teri isn't satisfied with three or four courses. She always adds a homemade desert to put extra inches on Dangerous' and the other guests' waistlines. No one ever complains! They just undo the top button of their Levis and continue stuffing themselves. Just listening to Dangerous talk about Teri's latest creation is enough to make a sheep dog drool.

Lefty Waits for Dinner

I usually wait in the truck when we travel to Larry and Judy's for a night out. Their dog Otis is a bit territorial, so I sit safely in the back of Dangerous' Chevy truck sniffing the wonderful smells wafting from Larry's Dutch Ovens. You should see the size of those ovens. The largest Dangerous owns is a 14 which holds a lot, but Larry has some even bigger that he stuffs with all sorts of tempting delicacies. My stomach really starts to growl sitting in the back of the truck as Larry cooks up his famous Dutch Oven chicken and potatoes. After stuffing the boys with chicken and taters, Judy always finds a way to outdo the main course with an incredible desert. You might get carrot cake or some double chocolate delight to top off the best Dutch Oven meal you will find on the High Plateau. When Judy and Larry's daughter got married a few years back, they didn't bother with a caterer. Who needs one when you cook like these two?

Larry, Judy, and Jen

While the food is good, the entertainment at these gatherings is even better. Larry is a consummate story teller who can entertain his guests for hours. Clark always has stories to share about High Plateau happenings, and their wives offer engaging conversation. So, If someone ever tells you that the High Plateau country is a social backwater, don't believe them. Dangerous, Utah, Fremont, Mike and other dinner guests have spent many evenings enjoying more than good food. You don't have to dress up to attend one of these gatherings, but you do have to come prepared to laugh and have a good time. If you are ever driving Highway 12, sniff the breeze or listen for lots of laughter. The smell of good food and the sound of people having fun might lead you to a social even you won't soon forget.

"Hobby" Dresses Up

If you want to know if the summer season has started on the High Plateau, check what Fremont Bob's horses and mules are wearing. Fremont always breaks out his finest tack to greet the new social season. As you can see, "Hobby" is wearing his finest silver encrusted head stall.

Next week, we take our annual forced march into the Escalante wilderness. Dangerous puts his saddle away and shakes the dust off his backpack. So, you might not hear from us until we get back. but stay tuned for fresh news and more adventures from the High Plateau.