The Old Buzzards Hiking Club

Then There were Three!

When Dangerous started hiking and riding the High Plateau 36 years ago, he tells me you had to stand in line to get a ticket to go with him and Utah Jack.  They even had a catchy name for their back country adventures -- "S & M Toorz."  Don't get too excited or offended about the name because in this case "S & M" stands for scenic and majestic and not something else you might be thinking of.  In those days, Dangerous tells me that a typical group was six to eight adventurers from all over the country, and you had to make a reservation sometimes a year in advance.  With age and lack of interest, the group has dwindled to three.  So, during our most recent trip, we decided a more appropriate name is the "Old Buzzards Hiking Club."  Since we are down to three active members, no reservations are required, and we are actively taking new applications.

Well, you're probably wondering where I have been this past year.  Since I don't type, no thumbs or fingers, I haven't had anyone to transcribe my adventurers for me.  It doesn't mean that Dangerous and I have been staying home, but only that I haven't had a reliable scribe.  With a little prodding from past readers and his wife, I convinced Dangerous to help me again.  Probably what convinced him was the support I received from those attending the "Grover Boyz" annual Labor Day picnic this year.  Whatever the reason, I plan to start posting again beginning with our most recent hike on the Escalante River.  I hope you will be interested in following along.

Nature Dan, Red Rock Rosie, and Dangerous Doug

I'm not sure what prompted two aging old men and a not so young sheep dog to backpack again, but I have my theories.  I suspect this middle sixties pair are nostalgic about their past and are trying to recapture a bit of it before their demise.  Why they dragged me along is a great mystery, but I suspect Dangerous just wanted someone else to share the pain with.  Whatever their reasons for going, I do know what makes these late age trips possible -- light weight backpacking equipment.  In the past, Dangerous and Nature Dan loaded their old external frame packs with over 40 pounds of equipment and supplies before trudging into the Escalante Wilderness.  If Utah Jack came along, an extra ten to 15 pounds of food was always required.  But on this trip, these two elderly gentlemen reduced their loads to about 25 pounds each by leaving Utah Jack home and loading me with extra water and my own dog food.  Dangerous' new Osprey 58 pack weighs only 2 lbs, 10 oz, and the new MSR Pocket Rocket stove was 3 oz.

Death Hollow

We have made the hike to Death Hollow many times over the years.  What made this trip unique were the changes in distances.  On our long rests after short spurts of walking, we came to the conclusion that the distances between landmarks had changed.  While all the landmarks are the same, we believe that the Greek Titans visited the Escalante River since we were there last and stretched the topography somehow increasing the miles between points significantly.  None of us were willing to admit that age had anything to do with the time it took us to make the round trip.

River Improvements

You wouldn't think it possible to improve the beauty of the Escalante Canyons, but we found on this trip that the hand of man can not only destroy but restore.  Anyone who has ever hiked this beautiful canyon country complains about the Russian olive trees and tamarisk lining the river's banks.  Dangerous' Mormon ancestors introduced both invasive species over 150 years ago without understanding the consequences.  Both species make an almost impenetrable barrier for hikers and horses as well as suck precious water from the river and streams.  The Bureau of Land Management (BLM)  who manages the Grand Staircase has aggressively attacked both species.  Crews of young volunteers are cutting down the Russian olives and the BLM has introduced a tamarisk eating beetle which appears to be doing its job.

   Eagerly Watching

By now, you are probably wondering how we came up with the new name for our little hiking group -- "The Old Buzzards Hiking Club."  Actually, it was the natural result of visitors to our night camps.  Whenever we would lie down to rest or sleep, our two friends watched us closely for any signs of weakness.  One of us had to be alert at all times to avoid one of these two from joining us for dinner, or should I say having us for dinner.  When we were younger, we never had this problem.

Well, that's about all I have for now,  In future posts, I will bring you up-to-date about what has happened over the past year or so along with new adventures as they occur.  I have a lot of stuff to tell you like the progress on the house Dangerous and Trea are building, and new members of the family.  You will enjoy hearing about Gennie the three year old filly who came to live with us in April.  I will also share with you the trips Dangerous made to Yellowstone National Park to ride with Walking Horse Bill.  Drop me a note occasionally!  It helps to know your are interested.

OH, Boy!!! What Now?

They Will Miss Her

Starting June 3, there will be some changes around the northern Utah location of Parasite Ranch. Dangerous' wife Trea is retiring after 23 years of teaching. I am watching closely to see what changes occur in our lives. Will Dangerous and I continue our endless ramblings or will we be spending more time at home? Since Trea is very independently minded, I suspect that she will be doing her own thing while Dangerous and I continue to wander the High Plateau.

Honoring 23 Years of Service

How do you commemorate 23 years of selfless service to other people's children? Well, of course, you give them another tchochke to add to their collection! Even better, you have colleagues, friends, family, and former students show up to thank the lucky retiree personally. And, show up they did!

Ben, Trea, and Dangerous

I wasn't allowed to attend the gathering. Some odd rule about no dogs at school, but Ben and Dangerous turned out to support their mother and wife. As you can see, Ben and Trea appear really happy, but the old curmudgeon has some doubts about this big change. Since Trea has spent the past 23 years working 10 hours a day seven days a week at school, Dangerous and I have had the run of the place with little or no supervision. I think the look on his face may reflect his concern about sharing the house again with someone besides me, and the anticipated supervision that he expects to receive.

Close Friends

It isn't possible to include pictures or mention by name all Trea's friends who stopped at the school or sent cards and gifts to congratulate her. There were many who turned out, and this picture of Fawn and David was the best one taken by Dangerous so I included it to represent everyone who made the effort.

Angie, Courtney, Porter, and Trea

For generations of students, Trea's small, cramped special education classroom has been a haven for those she taught to read and write and other students who just enjoyed a reassuring visit. Porter's grandpa (Utah Jack) won't have to wait so long next year to pick him up after school because he won't be stopping in Trea's room for a hug and a treat. What won't change are the frequent interruptions when Dangerous and Trea go out to dinner. From what I am told, they have never finished a meal without one of Trea's former students coming to the table to give her a hug and update her about their lives. When you haven't seen someone in 10 or 15 years, filling in the details of marriage, job, and children takes a while to complete.

Theo, Trea, Preston, and Lindsay

There will still be a lot of kids in Trea's life. Fortunately for her and Dangerous, they have a large extended family who has adopted them. Utah Jack has generously shared all his grandchildren with them for years, and I expect the tradition to continue. She will also probably occupy her time interacting with Ben and Michelle's family, and don't forget her volunteer work. She will be back at Barratt Elementary next year helping her friend Bonnie and probably everywhere else a kid needs help.

Wish us luck in Trea's retirement. I am sure Dangerous will need it. Love to hear from you!

What Happens to the Easter Bunny?

Nugget, Aspen, Dangerous, Nibbles and Ashley

People really confuse me. Once a year, they make a big fuss over something called the "Easter Bunny." Well, I am very familiar with the black-tailed jackrabbit also known as Lepus californicus or Sylvilagus nuttallii more commonly called the mountain cottontail. I have spent hours trying to catch one or the other while trailing Dangerous as he rides his horse on the High Plateau and surrounding desert country. For the squeamish, don't worry I have never caught one. I actually prefer the taste of caramel filled chocolate rabbits. I suspect the furry ones squeal when caught and probably stick to the roof of your mouth.

Rosie Searching for the "Easter Bunny"

I thought you might want to hear my theory about what happens to the "Easter Bunny" after the holiday is forgotten until next year. Actually, there are so many bunnies that it isn't just one thing that can happen, but they face many possible fates. The few lucky ones end up nibbling grass and alfalfa at Walking Horse Bill's barn. I have already told Aspen and Ashley that their bunnies have a home with these two former "Easter Bunnies" who munch grass and weeds relatively undisturbed.

Two Lucky Bunnies

You notice that I said "...relatively undisturbed..." in describing their somewhat tranquil existence. Even at Bill's "Easter Bunny" rehabilitation center a long-lived bunny keeps a wary eye to the sky. At one time, there were a lot more bunnies wandering the yard than there are today, and you can't blame the population decline on me. A long lived rabbit keeps one eye on me and the other watching for swooping shadows along the ground.

I Have "Easter Bunnies" On My Mind

I have another theory that some "Easter Bunnies" live to participate in even bigger, more important holiday celebrations. After seven months of fattening up, an unlucky bunny might find himself the center of attention at the Thanksgiving table. I understand that turkeys are starting a new campaign that includes the slogan "Eat more rabbit!" Or, was that "Rabbit the other white meat?" I will support either one as long as the selected species isn't canine.

A Thanksgiving Bunny

Once all those "Easter Bunnies" are turned lose, they can have a serious impact on the environment. To make room for the next holiday, humans sometimes take an active hand in determining my furry friend's fate. You might not want your children to see this next picture, but I had to include it to further explain what I think happens after Easter Sunday. It isn't pretty, but I suspect that even mom and dad who bought the rabbits in the first place soon get tired of cleaning up after them. You ever try to house train a real "Easter Bunny?" That's why I am not too worried about a rabbit soon replacing me as the family pet.

After Easter Clean Up on the High Plateau

Finally, I believe a select few, the really good bunnies, end up living the rest of their lives wandering the High Plateau. Over the years selective breeding has produced a super bunny that has incredible size and stamina. In fact, some people who don't ride horses have captured a few and put them to use as pack stock. While these evolved "Easter Bunnies" can't pack as much as a horse, they are cuter and more agreeable by nature than llamas. For you doubters, I have included irrefutable photographic evidence that these pack bunnies actually exist. I saw them with my own eyes and had Dangerous photograph them tied to a horse trailer at the Deer Creek Lake Trail head. Since I am reporting their existence on the Internet, my theory about what happens to "Easter Bunnies" has got to be true. Love to hear from you!

High Plateau Highly Evolved "Easter Bunnies"

Packed and Ready to Go

I THINK HE TRIED TO KILL ME!!!

Rose and Dangerous

I wasn't there for this one, so I have to turn the narrative over to Rose the Horse who was an unwilling participant. I rarely trust Dangerous' stories when he relates them after the fact, but I do trust Rose's unvarnished version of the truth. So here's her story about climbing and sliding down Canaan Mountain. It almost sounds biblical doesn't it?

Mule riders are a diverse and somewhat crazy bunch who usually share one common trait. They don't fear death from tumbling off a ledge or cliff. Frequently, their unusual courage comes from a bottle containing the beverage of their choice. Dangerous always thought that Dan was the rare mule man who didn't drink nor use bad language. Because Dan doesn't imbibe and is an incredibly nice guy, Dangerous has always thought he was like the rest of us who fear imminent death. Well, all that changed when Dan showed us the Canaan Mountain trail last Saturday.

Dan and Frank

Canaan Mountain is located a bit east of Hildale, Utah on the Utah-Arizona border. Hildale is famous for the fundamentalist polygamist sect that resides there. In fact, you get to drive past the infamous Warren Jeff's high walled compound to reach the trail head.

As Dan described it, the trail to the top was fairly easy. All you had to do was follow an illegal ATV trail probably pioneered through a wilderness study area by the polygamist kids living in the area. Well, you can imagine Dangerous' chagrin to be riding an ATV trail. According to Dan's description there were a few steep spots on the the trail with some rocky steps that a horse could easily negotiate. He also mentioned a bit of exposure, but once on top the views were worth the trip. Our goal was to circumnavigate the Bee Hive coming down a steep, rocky horse trail on the other side where you might want to get off and lead your horse a short distance.

The Bee Hive

Dangerous has always believed that riding an ATV trail was beneath his dignity. These trails are usually wide and dusty, presenting few challenges to a horse and rider. Well, after riding the Canaan Mountain trail Dangerous has a new appreciation for the foolhardiness of some ATV riders. In his opinion, whoever built this illegal trail was completely insane and made most mule riders appear normal. While I churned my way to the top with Dangerous on my back I could sense an unusual pucker in a certain part of his anatomy all the way through my saddle. Even I experienced real fear when Balthazar fell down in front of me with Bill aboard while trying to climb a steep, slick rock spot. Seeing a 17 hand, 1,100 pound horse spreadeagled on a precipice made me pick my steps more carefully.

Canaan Mountain Trail

Pictures rarely tell the complete story, but this one gives you some sense of the exposure and elevation gain on this trail. It wasn't quite the Grand Canyon, but I suspect the Grand Canyon trail is much easier and safer for a horse or mule to negotiate. With all the steep rocky spots, Dangerous had little time to take pictures, and I wasn't about to stop on a cliff or ledge to give him a good photo opportunity.

The Top

A Well Earned Rest

Reaching the top is usually the hard part of any ride, but not this time. After a short lunch break we had to get back down. That short quarter mile stretch that Dan described where the rider might want to get off and walk turned into a real scramble for both horse and rider. Again, the pictures don't do the decent justice. All I can tell you is that Dangerous tied my reins around my neck and turned me loose to find my own way down. He was willing to risk losing me after I ran up the back of his legs a bunch of times and almost knocked him off the cliff. For the same reasons, Bill did the same thing with Balthazar and fortunately we all made it to the bottom safely.

Exit Trail

Well, we plan to continue riding with Dan but in the future we will ask for more details about the trails he selects. But, for now, how can you not like a guy who names all his mules Frank, and has a sign like this one on the side of his trailer even though he tried to kill us. Love to hear from you!

Wanted: New Horse Riding Buddy

I Am Back

You might be wondering what happened to me. I haven't posted anything for months. Well, there was Dangerous' auto accident in January. After staring death directly in the face, Dangerous hasn't been too interested in typing and posting my ramblings. However, I am not really convinced that the accident is what caused him to neglect helping me with my blog. I think it has more to do with the loss of all his horse riding buddies.

18 Wheelers Don't Sound Like an Angel's Beating Wings

After a real effort on my part, I convinced him that I still have something to say, and in helping me, he could advertise for a new horse riding buddy. So, we are taking applications to join us for this year's riding season on the High Plateau. Dangerous will provide the horse, transportation, meals, and lodging. All you have to do is show up and listen to his constant complaining and unending opinions. Don't let Dangerous' personality discourage you from applying. Just remember the food isn't bad, and I'm good company. I will give anyone who can saddle their own horse a ten point rider's preference when I score the applications.

You are probably wondering what happened to Utah Jack, Fremont Bob, and Walking Horse Bill. All three are who Dangerous has ridden with for years. In my opinion, they got tired of hearing the same old stories and sorry attempts at humor offered by Dangerous and dropped his sorry butt. But, Dangerous has a different theory -- WOMEN. You can tell how "thick" Dangerous is because he can't figure out why his three former riding companions would rather spend time with their girl friends than riding horses with him.

Makeup for Misty

You get a sense of Dangerous' frustration when you see a woman applying lipstick to one of Walking Horse Bill's prized horses. I have been there when Dangerous tries to "Gussie" up Rose the horse with a new halter or bridle. Bill gives Dangerous unending grief about making Rose look like a circus pony, but what about Suzanne applying makeup to Misty. Well, that's an entirely different story!

"Can I Get you Anything Else Dear?"

As the saying goes, "a picture is worth a thousand words." You can easily interpret why Utah Jack hasn't ridden with Dangerous in over a year. Utah will tell you he really doesn't like riding horses, but from the expressions on their faces (especially his), I think you can tell there is a bit more to it. It's more than his many grand-kids occupying Utah's time these days.

This is Not My Girlfriend!

Fremont Bob is probably the most difficult one to understand. He is old enough to know better, but found life alone on the High Plateau too lonely. Snuggling his pet chicken wasn't enough to get him through the cold, windy Wayne County winters. The wind might have affected his sanity, but he is still sane enough not to introduce the new woman in his life to Dangerous, so we don't have a picture.

They Ought to Take a Rope and Hang Me

Maybe this is what happens when you spend too much time alone. Or, maybe it happens because you spend way to much time with horses. Who knows the appropriate balance between women and horses, but I can tell you right now that Dangerous believes that his riding buddies lives are completely out of balance. Well, not everyone has completely abandoned him. Like Dangerous, Dennis has been happily married for decades, and understands completely that the key to a long, happy marriage is a lot of time a part. All we have to do is work on his riding outfit and teach him to saddle his own horse and Dangerous will be back riding the High Plateau this summer with me trailing along.

Iowa Corn Farmer or High Plateau Cowboy?

Over the past five months, I have collected a bunch of material to share with you. Also, the riding and hiking season is getting started on the High Plateau, so I should have some interesting stories to share. Remember to get your applications in soon because the season is getting underway. Actually, you can send them anytime because Dangerous is willing to ride with just about anyone these days. Hope to hear from you!

The Old "Salty Dog"

Cast of Characters

I'm a bit behind reporting our recent adventures because I have been without a scribe for a couple of weeks. Ol' Dangerous put me up in a "dogie motel" while he and Trea took a trip to the Midwest seeking their ancestral roots. Dangerous is back, so I will try to catch you up on what's been happening on the High Plateau. Let's start with our fall Walking Horse ride. I will give you my version of Dangerous' trip to Wyoming, Nebraska, Iowa, Missouri, and Illinois in my next entry.

By now, you are probably tired of seeing High Plateau landscapes, but I have to share a few more to set the scene for this blog. The usual cast of characters showed up to ride again this year. They weren't disappointed by the weather or scenery.

Fish Lake Hightop

We rode the Fish Lake Hightop because Bill and Rich hadn't seen it. While the Fish Lake Basin was crawling with ATVs, the Hightop showed few if any signs of traffic, including foot or horse. It's one of the few places left on the Fish Lake National Forest that hasn't been overrun by our "motorized friends." Riding at 11,600 feet on a clear autumn day provides incredible views of the valleys below, and you feel like you are the only dog or person looking down from the top of the world. There are few places left like this on the Colorado Plateau.

Deer Creek Lake

You're probably sick of seeing this picture, but our fall Walking Horse ride isn't complete without viewing the autumn leaves along the Deer Creek Lake Trail. I am not sure what he is talking about, but Dangerous constantly points out to me and others the beautiful Maynard Dixon clouds. I don't know who this Maynard guy is, but we always enjoy the fall view of Deer Creek Lake. I am a bit worried that Maynard Dixon might be another sheep dog who Dangerous is considering moving in. I might share the place with him, but not my blog.

While the scenery was incredible, I thought you might be more interested in helping me resolve an argument. "Who is the real "Salty Dog" of this group? For those unfamiliar with the term, "Salty Dog" is slang for an "old salt" with a lifetime of experience especially in the outdoors. In our case, a "Salty Dog" is well-versed in the skills of horsemanship and other aspects of life, and sometimes thought of being a bit "crusty" which is a nice way of saying "cranky." Whenever we gather to ride, it doesn't take long for the competition to start with the various riders vying for the title of "Salty Dog!"

Fremont Bob

Fremont Bob is well known to all of you, and for many an obvious "Salty Dog" choice. Few doubt his outdoor credentials, and the "cranky" description fits anyone who willingly owns and rides mules. However, before you vote, take a close look at Fremont's outfit. A serious horseman would never be seen in a pair of aviator sunglasses even though he found them. Catch Fremont on another day and you won't recognize him. You will think you just met a retired university professor decked out in chinos, sweater, loafers, and a stylish English wool cap. Consistency should be considered when selecting your "Salty Dog."

Walking Horse Bill

As you can see Bill falls far short of the necessary dress standard. His only appropriate accoutrement is the handmade RJP spurs. If you met him on the trail, you might conclude he is an urban hiker out for the day. While he doesn't meet the dress code, you should see the horse he rides. Balthazar is over 17 hands tall and requires two hands to control. While you can't call Bill "crusty" the "cranky" description sure applies. Bill is an experienced horseman who will ride man or dog into the ground. Also anyone who owns as many horses as he does should be given serious consideration for "Salty Dog" or institutionalized.

Intrepid Rich

Rich may not look the part, be he is an intrepid rider. Without hesitation, he climbs on whatever horse Bill brings him to ride, and sits patiently while the horse wildly spins him in circles. However, you need to understand that Rich doesn't own a horse or saddle, but he is the brains behind Bill's annual Yellowstone horse adventure.

Stylish Dennis

Don't get me wrong Dennis has made some real progress since I saw him last. He lost the camel-back pack, and his riding skills have improved. However, a few of his accessories aren't worn by traditional "Salty Dogs." While the mittens detract from his overall appearance, the sensitive European shoulder bag must go. Before you dismiss him completely, remember that outdoor experience is a prerequisite which Dennis has plenty of, and besides that he puts up with Fremont Bob's "crusty" living conditions when he visits the High Plateau to ride.

Blue Finds Lunch

You can debate the merits of the various candidates all you want, but my money is on Blue for "Salty Dog." It isn't that he is actually a dog that earns him my nomination, but the qualities that he brings. All the other candidates bought and brought their lunch, but not Blue. He found his! Knowing Blue, I am sure he will find it again the next time we ride this same area. If you want to learn the true meaning of "cranky" try taking his lunch away from him.

Drag it through the Fence

All the other candidates deck themselves out in various types of gear to ward off the cold, thorns, brush, rocks, and barbed wire; but not Blue. He runs across the High Plateau wearing nothing but what God gave him and not worrying about weather, difficult terrain, or man-made obstacles. You can see from the picture that diving through a barbed wire fence in pursuit of whatever interests him doesn't slow Blue down one bit. I can't imagine our other candidates exposing their sensitive parts in pursuit of pure fun. Well, maybe Fremont Bob depending what kind of fun it is.

Well, I don't want to prejudice your vote. I am still interested in your choice for the title of "Salty Dog" of our annual Walking Horse ride. I hope to hear from you.

What did he say?

At Rest

What did he say? I believe he said that if I did it again he would shoot me. Take a look at that innocent face. I can't believe that anyone would threaten to kill me, but Dangerous did last week, and I believe he meant it! Well, I am lucky to still be here to tell you what I did. You will have to decide if I deserved the death threats.

Fremont Bob and Nature Dan

We spent all last week riding, hiking, eating, and drinking with Dangerous' buddy Nature Dan. Dan is a liberal, tree hugging pacifist without a mean bone in his body, so why did Dangerous lose his cool and threaten to kill me during his visit. Well, it had little to do with Dan and a lot to do with my herding instincts. From the picture, everyone looks calm and collected. "Hobby" and Little Guy are quietly plodding along while Fremont Bob and Nature Dan enjoy the High Plateau scenery. Too bad you couldn't have taken in the scene a few minutes earlier. While trying to give Dangerous an assist, I was jumping four feet high in the air trying to bite Dangerous' flighty mare Dottie at the base of her tail. I believe Dangerous' mood was adversely affected while he tried to board his spinning, bouncing horse. As you might know, a rider is most vulnerable while mounting up. Without a real firm seat and good rein control, a rider can easily and instantly get unloaded. If Dangerous had taken the time to explain that to me, I might have known better, but threatening to shoot me. I am not sure I deserved that.

Looking for Naked Escalante River Nymphs

Dangerous' recent attitude toward me night be explained because he thinks I may have lost my touch. While hiking along the Escalante River, Dan, Dangerous, and Utah experienced one of those outdoor moments that only happen a few times in an old man's life -- spotting naked women. Female voices alerted us to a group ahead happily splashing in the river. Little did we know that the four or eight, depending on how you count, were enjoying a lovely fall afternoon completely naked. My three hiking buddies are still debating the correct number. In the past, most women make a big fuss over me, but not today. For some reason, the four completely ignored me requiring Dangerous and his two buddies to move on without stopping for a chat. I am not sure it was the chat they were interested in.

A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood

Well, whatever the conflict between Dangerous and me, I have to tell you fall is a beautiful time of year on the High Plateau. While the autumn leaves are just getting a good start, the lack of fall colors didn't distract much from the incredible views and scenery. So, if you have time, load up and drive scenic Highway 12. If you have time, stop in Grover for a visit. We will be there because it's time for our annual Walking Horse ride with Bill and friends.

The Doctor is In

Drop in visitors sometimes wonder how to tell if we are home. Well, the answer to that one is pretty easy. If the gate is open, we are there. If both gates are open, then Dottie and Little Guy are with us. Another way to tell is to check for the sign on the porch. Like all upscale professional establishments we have a sign that announces our presence and availability. Thanks to Mississippi Max, all you have to do to make sure Dangerous or Utah is around is to look for the sign.

As I mentioned in my last blog, I am now taking selected and pre-approved advertising at a reasonable cost. Again, thanks to Mississippi Max I received another prepaid advertisement that met with my approval. Max is trying to help Fremont Bob out by encouraging more sales at the Happy Chicken Egg Ranch. One of Fremont's specialties is homemade goat cheese. Makes your mouth water and stomach churn just thinking about such a tasty treat. Well, stop by the Bobarosa and try a slice. Get your orders in early for Christmas. Love to hear from you!