Sunday, March 3, 2013

You Don't Believe I Can Talk?

About everywhere Dangerous goes these days he is usually asked "can Rosie really talk?"  Most people are quite incredulous when he tells them yes that I dictate every word that appears in my blog.  He usually tells them "do you think I'm bright enough to come up with all the stuff in Rosie's blog?"  They usually answer "probably not, but really, a talking dog whose vocabulary includes words like incredulous!"  He goes on to explain that he did graduate from Utah State but at the time it was the A.C. (Agricultural College), and BYU where credulousness is a graduation requirement.  Well, with all these doubts, I thought I would share with you my story about how I acquired the gift of speech.

 Terry, Rosie, & Dangerous

Hang around Dangerous and his buddies long enough and you are bound to pick up a limited vocabulary of sorts.  With this bunch, bull s**t is a high art form punctuated with a rich variety of four letter words that you will rarely hear me use.  Their language sometimes is even enough to make me blush noticeably.  Most of their stories start with "do you remember when..." and end with "hold my beer and watch this!"  As a result, I have a large repertoire of colorful language drawn from years of hanging out with Dangerous and his friends.  While the humor is caustic and language sometimes coarse, occasionally, you get a glimpse of the college educations that most of them have.  For example, Dangerous' old USU roommate may look and play the part of a Millard County bumpkin, but he graduated the top of his class and uses words that Dangerous frequently has to look up in the dictionary before explaining them to me.  Unfortunately, this exposure has left me with a varied vocabulary that makes me sound like a college educated teamster.

Audio Books and Podcast
Since I don't read, Dangerous has been trying to improve my vocabulary and enunciation by having me listen to audio books and podcasts.  I really enjoy Craig Johnson mysteries because one of the stars is a dog named Dog, but those Edward O. Wilson books especially The Social Conquest of Earth are a bit hard to endure.  Again, Dangerous' chosen educational methods leave me a bit schizophrenic about language and the world.  I bounce between Sheriff Walt Longmire solving crime in Wyoming to tracing the evolutionary history of the human condition along with the associated language and vocabulary.  No wonder I'm confused most of the time.  However, I do believe my language skills are improving.
Reading is Next
Ole Dangerous has never been one to back away from a challenge.  With my improving language skills, he has decided to teach me to read.  He has started by exposing me to another form of fiction -- newspapers.  By starting me on something simple and with little substance, The Provo Daily Herald, he hopes to have me reading the Salt Lake Tribune in a year or two.  Once I'm able to grasp the political humor and satire of Pat Bagley's political cartoons, he believes I will be ready to tackle the really news of the weird and bizarre -- the Utah State Legislature.  I hope they don't find out I'm learning to read because they might reduce public education funding further thinking that Dangerous' home schooling model for dogs is transferable to all Utah school children.
In the End, Just a Dog
Well, all good stories have an end, and I guess I do to for now.  Just because I'm an erudite sheep dog with language skills, doesn't mean I'm still not a dog.  Like all other dogs, I will continue to follow my nose first, but plan on talking with you again soon.
Love to hear from you!!!

1 comment:

Becca Hatch said...

Dear Rosie:

Is dingleberry in your vocabulary yet? It might need to be.

My vocabulary is so limited that I can't even fill a tweet yet.

Love, LaBoeuf