Sunday, June 28, 2009

Politically Incorrect

After my last blog entry, I told Dangerous that he needs to remember this is my blog. When he read back to me what he had typed, I thought he got a bit preachy. You have to remember I dictate and he types. Since I can't read, write, or type Dangerous sometimes includes stuff without me knowing. This time I made him read back everything he wrote before I pushed the send button.

You probably already know by now that the High Plateau bunch includes an interesting and diverse group of characters. They range from devout, practicing Mormons to outright heathens. One thing they all share in common is their attitude towards political correctness. They basically poke fun at everything and everyone. Stiff-necked, self-righteousness isn't tolerated in Grover.

Swedish American Indian

For example, an occasional visitor shows up wanting to share their conversion story to Native American religion or culture. Frequently, they even adopt an Indian name such as "Morning Star" or "Buffalo Snorting." Even with their pale Scandinavian skin, red hair, and Lutheran upbringing they decide to go native. Well, the Grover Boys have great respect for Native American cultures and religions, but little patience with "new age" conversions. They realize they can't shake their European or Scandinavian ancestry. They aren't practicing Mormons, but they realize their world view was seriously affected by the early religious training their mothers insisted they get. It usually doesn't take long for Dangerous or Utah to seriously injure the newly converted feelings. Utah may wear his Swedish American Indian outfit to get his point across. A piece of red survey tape and turkey feather usually gets a laugh in Grover but not on the reservation.

Give Me Those Matches

To say that Dangerous does not like the Boy Scouts of America is a bit of an understatement. I wasn't around when he was a kid, so I don't know firsthand what happened to him when he was a scout, but I have been with him when we encounter a Boy Scout troop on the trail. Fremont Bob never tires telling the tale about Dangerous meeting a scout troop on the Pleasant Creek Trail a few years back. I was there, so I know the story, but I like Fremont's version best, and like most of his stories, they get better with the telling. While sitting on Dottie, Dangerous asked all the scouts to line up and empty their pockets. Being compliant scouts, they actually lined up in front of Dangerous and Dottie, but their adult leaders immediately wanted to know what this crazy old man, riding the semi-wild horse was doing. He told them that he learned to smoke in the Boy Scouts and wanted all their matches. The scout leaders immediately protested that their boys didn't smoke, but Dangerous told them that he wanted their matches anyway. In a rather impolite way, he explained that the Boy Scouts burned the East Fork of the Bear which was one of his favorite places, and if they burned the High Plateau, he would make sure justice was done. I am sure he left a lasting impression that the scouts and their leaders won't forget as the crazy old coot riding the spinning and dancing mare warned them not to burn his mountain.

Daisy Duke

The Grover Boys don't limit their sarcasm to the educated or mainstream organizations. Everyone and everything is a target including each other. For example, Dangerous is proud of his redneck roots. He loves to tell anyone who will listen how he grew up in a working class family where the truly educated might finish high school but fixed their own pickups, poured their own cement, and built their own houses. As the saying goes, some characteristics skip a generation, and to his father's disappointment all these handy skills went over Dangerous' head. However, he does like to call himself a redneck who went to college. As you can guess, Utah doesn't let Dangerous get away with much. He loves to point out that Dangerous is actually an NPR redneck. At any opportunity, he loves to remind Dangerous how far he is from his redneck roots. Take for example, the picture of Utah wearing his "Daisy Dukes." After a week hiking in Grand Gulch, Utah wanted to show Dangerous what a well dressed redneck wears hiking.

Well, I hope you get my point that the only thing consistent about the High Plateau bunch is their inconsistency. If you get a chance, stop by, but remember to check your ego at the door. Love to hear from you!

Sunday, June 21, 2009

"What's Sacred?'

LDS Temple

I might not be able to read, but that doesn't mean I don't follow the news. I would have to be deaf not to know about what is happening in southeastern Utah. For anyone too far away to hear Dangerous' ranting, let me bring you up-to-date. Recently, 24 individuals were arrested and indicted for trafficking prehistoric artifacts. Every morning, Dangerous reads the latest headlines to me from the Salt Lake Tribune, "For some relics are best left alone;" "Hatch and Bennett call artifact raid overkill;" and "Official: BLM just doing its job in artifact arrests." The arrests captured national attention when the New York Times reported, "Indian Artifact Looting Case Unsettles a Utah Town."

To say the arrests and the controversy surrounding them have unsettled Dangerous is an understatement. As you know, we spend a lot of time in southeastern Utah visiting prehistoric ruins and rock art sites. Whenever a newspaper article identifies a location, most likely we have been there. To Dangerous and many others, these sites are sacred, and anyone caught vandalizing them should be prosecuted. Since I am only a sheep dog, I am not sure what "sacred" means. Dangerous tried to explain it to me using examples from the community where we live.

City Cemetery

Not far from our house, the LDS Church has built a beautiful temple. You can stand in our back yard and clearly see it. According to Dangerous, this ornate building is sacred to the Mormon people. They sacrifice time and money to build and maintain their temples. Members judged worthy by church authorities spend many hours participating in important rituals designed to assist the living and the dead. Inside, beautiful works of art and ornately decorated rooms symbolize creation and man's life on earth. Inside life affirming rituals for the living and dead are performed by faithful members of the Mormon Church. At the end of life, faithful members are interred in one of the beautifully manicured cemeteries near the temple. Faithful members are usually buried wearing symbolic clothing associated with their religion, and family members sometimes bury their loved ones with favorite trinkets commemorating important events or personal characteristics of the person in the grave. Walk through a predominantly Mormon cemetery and you will find headstones inscribed with important religious symbols and sayings paying tribute to the faithful and celebrating their progress into the next life.


Bannister Ruin

According to Dangerous, Mormon temples serve similar purposes today that the ancient, prehistoric kivas did for southwestern Indian cultures 1,200 years ago. In them, the creation story was probably told to clan members. It was explained how men emerged from the underworld through the sipapu. They were most likely taught about the great migrations of their people after emerging from the underworld and explained the life sustaining rituals associated with planting and growing crops important to sustaining life on earth. At life's end, their relatives and friends interred their bodies with important artifacts that symbolized their lives on earth. Frequently, important rock art is found close to where these ancient people lived and died. While the exact messages remain unknown, these panels most likely explain important historic events in these ancient people's lives and pay tribute to the living and dead.


Grand Gulch Kiva


The Green Mask

I can't answer directly, but I get the general idea about what is meant by "sacred" from Dangerous' examples. What I don't get is why prehistoric religion and culture don't receive the same respect that current, contemporary religions do today. I doubt anyone would tolerate looting artifacts or destroying the symbolic art found in the Mormon temple close to our house. I also doubt the public or law enforcement would allow artifact traffickers to remove headstones or even worse dig up the existing graves in public cemeteries where Dangerous' dead family members and friends are buried. But, what do I know? I am only a dog and not a United States Senator. Love to hear from you!

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Saturday Night in Grover

My Favorite Spot

I have told you before that my favorite place is under the table. I strategically position myself to catch any stray crumbs or morsels that fall my way, and I get to hear all the interesting stories. Since I don't have a tail, I am not in any danger of having it stepped on, but occasionally, my paws get in the way when someone really stretches for a second helping.

Dangerous Doug's Driveway Delights

I am not sure what attracts dinner guests to Grover. Like all sheep dogs, I really enjoy my food, but I don't take hours to prepare and eat it. I can get anything down in less than three gulps, but Dangerous and his friends spend hours preparing and eating dinner. I can't believe what Dangerous cooks up is all that appetizing. For heaven's sakes, he cooks in the driveway on an old oil drip pan, but you wouldn't know it from the size of the dinner crowd most nights.

Primitive Cooking Utensils

On occasion, Dangerous' Dutch oven cooking gets down right primitive. Take for example, his cowboy beans that everyone seems to like. Refusing to waste anything, he sometimes stuffs too many ingredients in the pot. As you can see, a large, heavy rock works to keep the lid from blowing off. I wouldn't try his technique at home especially if your mother-in-law is coming to dinner. She might be taken back by using a large rock as a cooking utensil.

Dutch Oven Lasagna

Every one's favorite seems to be Dangerous' Dutch oven lasagna. With help, he chops the mushrooms and onions. With more help, he browns three pounds of mild Italian sausage and grates three pounds of mozzarella cheese. Throw in some basil and oregano, add three pounds of cottage cheese, sprinkle with red wine vinegar and you have lasagna for about 12 dinner guests. To save time, Dangerous uses oven ready noodles and lines the ovens with aluminum foil. I like the aluminum foil idea because when he cleans his ovens I get to tidy up the liners before he throws them away. Don't tell anyone, but he also lets me lick the ovens clean. I really like lasagna night in Grover!

Upside-Down Pineapple Cake

Whenever we have company, they usually volunteer to bring something. I really like it when Teri bakes one of her special, sweet treats. Besides Teri's upside-down pineapple cake, Larry and Judy made Dutch oven carrot cake. You can't imagine my delight when a piece of carrot or pineapple cake hits the floor. My best buddy Max was with us last trip, but canine friendship only goes so far when competing for dessert crumbs under the table.

Take What You Want But Eat What You Take

Table etiquette is pretty simple in Grover. The only rules are keep one foot on the floor at all times and eat what you take. As you can see, Dangerous isn't big on fancy table settings. Everyone gets a plate, glass, and silverware. If Utah is around, he monitors closely how many paper plates a dinner guest uses. Sometimes he will let you have an extra plate for your salad, but don't try getting a clean dessert fork. As you probably know by now, Utah is more than frugal. He is straight up cheap! Fortunately for us, he missed lasagna night, so we used as many paper plates and plastic cups as we wanted without feeling a bit guilty.

Yarns and Stories

Once dinner is over, I am ready to stretch out and take a nap. My human dinner companions don't share the same propensity for an after dinner snooze. They start right in swapping yarns and telling tall tales. Larry and Fremont Bob are premier storytellers. I still don't understand what's so funny about a dachshund being bitten by a bear. Whoever heard of someone re-inflating a dog after patching the holes in its sides with a tire kit? Even stranger is the story about the guy in Alaska who gets a ticket for driving too slow. Supposedly his windshield froze over, and he scraped a small hole to see through. While driving slowly down the road, the hole he is looking through goes black. Stopping and rolling down the window he finds a policeman outside his car with his hand over the hole. I guess sheep dogs just don't have a sense of humor. Maybe you can explain to me what makes these stories funny? All I can tell you is they never stop while having dinner in Grover.

Well, I am not sure if it's the food or the storytelling that attracts people to Grover. I suspect the food gets them there, but the stories and friendship keeps bring them back. If you are ever in the neighborhood, stop by. Love to hear from you!

Thursday, June 11, 2009

"For a Man Your Age"

Only as Old as You Think You Are

Anyone who knows Dangerous realizes quickly that it doesn't take much to set him off. It's a bit of an understatement to say he has a "short fuse." As he tells it, he easily angers, but gets over it quickly. Well, I am not sure that description fits these days. Recently, he has been "pissed-off" most all the time. He even snaps at me occasionally.

At first, I thought it was his most recent accident that caused his foul humor, but now I am not so sure. Last week while we were riding horses in Grover, Trea rearranged the bedroom furniture. You have probably already guessed what happened next. I was peacefully sleeping on the floor when all hell broke loose about 2:00 AM. Like most men his age, Dangerous has to get up during the night. Returning to bed half asleep, he dropped onto the bed believing it was in its usual spot. After the profanity subsided, Dangerous was on his way to the emergency room with a separated shoulder.

Actually, he quickly got over being angry at Trea for moving the bed. She was just doing what women do. However, what really sticks in Dangerous' craw is his treatment by the medical profession. He's OK with them smiling and snickering about him separating his shoulder falling out of bed. He even appreciates their expert medical care and advice. However, they really set him off when they preface their prognosis with "For a man your age." One more comment like that and Dangerous might show them what a man his age is capable of doing. Rather than resorting to violence, I thought I would include a few pictures and comments about what "a man his age" does to entertain himself.

Teaching Dottie the Trails

While most men his age are playing golf or watching TV sports, Dangerous has Dottie and me hauling butt up one mountain trail after another. There aren't many men Dangerous' age who still ride let alone spend five years and hundreds of hours turning a mostly wild horse into a fairly decent trail pony. I watched all the progress or should I say incidents. During those five years, Dottie knocked Dangerous off on a tree, backed him over a four-wheeler, and fell on him a number of times. You would think that falling out of bed was the least of his worries?

Still Hiking at His Age

While most men his age are gardening, Dangerous is humping his backpack through Utah's red rock canyons. At 63, he doesn't go as far or as fast as he did 20 years ago, but he still goes. "For a man his age," he still hikes all day through rough country sleeping on the ground at night. While 18 miles a day aren't possible anymore, he isn't ready to trade his backpack and hiking boots for a set of gardening tools.

Usual Sunday Activity

While most men his age are attending church, Dangerous spends his Sundays snow shoeing in the winter. Horse riding and backpacking are strenuous activities, but don't compare to a day on snow shoes. Dangerous isn't ready to give up Sunday snow shoeing in American Fork Canyon for a front row seat at the local ward house. If he ever does, I won't hang out with him anymore.

Refuses to Act His Age

Take a close look at this crazy old goat. I don't believe for a second he knows how to act like "a man his age," and I hope he never does. What do you think? Love to hear from you!

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Learning to Pack

Little Guy Learns to Pack

You probably think that we spend most of our time in Grover sitting on the porch, talking, and eating red meat. Well, you are mostly right, but we do other things besides. For example, this past week Dangerous and Fremont tried to teach Little Guy how to pack. From Dangerous' language and tone, I must conclude they weren't too successful.

In August, Dangerous is supposed to spend a week horse packing in Yellowstone National Park with his buddy Bill. You might think that riding horses in Yellowstone is the trip of a life time. Oh, what romantics you are! An enjoyable horse packing trip is very dependent on the reliability and cooperation of your pack stock. Well, from my first hand observations, I can tell you Little Guy was less than cooperative and reliable. At this point, Dangerous is scratching his head about what to do next.

Loading the Panniers

Training started well. Dangerous saddled Little Guy and hung the panniers from the sawbuck. He loaded the panniers with all kinds of interesting stuff, and off we went. The first day Little Guy accepted his role without complaint. With a little urging, he followed Dangerous and Dottie up the trail. By lunch time, he had stretched Dangerous' left arm an inch or two, but it was nothing serious. Heading back to the truck and trailer, LG even maintained a fairly decent gait. It isn't easy for any of us to keep pace with Dottie who is a traveling machine. However, LG knew he was headed to the barn, so he did his best.

Short Pack String

Two days later, LG's attitude changed for the worse. Since the first trip went well, Dangerous loaded him with all the niceties for a comfortable afternoon hot lunch. He even loaded camp stools for him and Fremont to sit on and included buffalo burgers to cook in the fire. Our planned six mile ride into the back country became 3.5 when LG became uncooperative. Who knows what was going on inside his head, but he would not cross or go around any trail obstacles. Fremont had to drive him from behind to get him to walk between large rocks or step over logs. LG stopped suddenly at any obstacle measuring whether his load would fit or clear. As you might expect, a thousand pound horse stopping suddenly puts a little pressure on whoever is holding the other end of the lead rope. On more than one occasion, LG came very close to jerking Dangerous out of his saddle. Dangerous contends that his left arm is now six inches longer than his right one.

Deformed Packer

Even a tough day in the back country is better than a good day at work. While LG was difficult, his behavior didn't affect the good time had by the rest of us. Fremont and Dangerous really enjoyed our lunch stop. With a comfortable chair and good food, they were in no hurry to move on. Most lunch breaks are spent leaning against a log eating beef jerky and cheese, but not this trip. Fremont and Dangerous spent over two hours lounging in their comfortable chairs enjoying their buffalo burgers. As you can see, I was patrolling the area looking for a morsel or two.

All the Comforts of Home

Eventually, we always end up back on the porch in Grover. Out come the red meat and beer, and the conversation picks up where it left off last night. If you are ever in Grover, stop by. Dinner is usually around 6:00 PM, and there is always room at the table. Love to hear from you!

Regular Dinner Guests