Thursday, May 19, 2011

OH, Boy!!! What Now?



They Will Miss Her

Starting June 3, there will be some changes around the northern Utah location of Parasite Ranch. Dangerous' wife Trea is retiring after 23 years of teaching. I am watching closely to see what changes occur in our lives. Will Dangerous and I continue our endless ramblings or will we be spending more time at home? Since Trea is very independently minded, I suspect that she will be doing her own thing while Dangerous and I continue to wander the High Plateau.

Honoring 23 Years of Service

How do you commemorate 23 years of selfless service to other people's children? Well, of course, you give them another tchochke to add to their collection! Even better, you have colleagues, friends, family, and former students show up to thank the lucky retiree personally. And, show up they did!

Ben, Trea, and Dangerous

I wasn't allowed to attend the gathering. Some odd rule about no dogs at school, but Ben and Dangerous turned out to support their mother and wife. As you can see, Ben and Trea appear really happy, but the old curmudgeon has some doubts about this big change. Since Trea has spent the past 23 years working 10 hours a day seven days a week at school, Dangerous and I have had the run of the place with little or no supervision. I think the look on his face may reflect his concern about sharing the house again with someone besides me, and the anticipated supervision that he expects to receive.

Close Friends

It isn't possible to include pictures or mention by name all Trea's friends who stopped at the school or sent cards and gifts to congratulate her. There were many who turned out, and this picture of Fawn and David was the best one taken by Dangerous so I included it to represent everyone who made the effort.

Angie, Courtney, Porter, and Trea

For generations of students, Trea's small, cramped special education classroom has been a haven for those she taught to read and write and other students who just enjoyed a reassuring visit. Porter's grandpa (Utah Jack) won't have to wait so long next year to pick him up after school because he won't be stopping in Trea's room for a hug and a treat. What won't change are the frequent interruptions when Dangerous and Trea go out to dinner. From what I am told, they have never finished a meal without one of Trea's former students coming to the table to give her a hug and update her about their lives. When you haven't seen someone in 10 or 15 years, filling in the details of marriage, job, and children takes a while to complete.

Theo, Trea, Preston, and Lindsay

There will still be a lot of kids in Trea's life. Fortunately for her and Dangerous, they have a large extended family who has adopted them. Utah Jack has generously shared all his grandchildren with them for years, and I expect the tradition to continue. She will also probably occupy her time interacting with Ben and Michelle's family, and don't forget her volunteer work. She will be back at Barratt Elementary next year helping her friend Bonnie and probably everywhere else a kid needs help.

Wish us luck in Trea's retirement. I am sure Dangerous will need it. Love to hear from you!

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

What Happens to the Easter Bunny?

Nugget, Aspen, Dangerous, Nibbles and Ashley

People really confuse me. Once a year, they make a big fuss over something called the "Easter Bunny." Well, I am very familiar with the black-tailed jackrabbit also known as Lepus californicus or Sylvilagus nuttallii more commonly called the mountain cottontail. I have spent hours trying to catch one or the other while trailing Dangerous as he rides his horse on the High Plateau and surrounding desert country. For the squeamish, don't worry I have never caught one. I actually prefer the taste of caramel filled chocolate rabbits. I suspect the furry ones squeal when caught and probably stick to the roof of your mouth.

Rosie Searching for the "Easter Bunny"

I thought you might want to hear my theory about what happens to the "Easter Bunny" after the holiday is forgotten until next year. Actually, there are so many bunnies that it isn't just one thing that can happen, but they face many possible fates. The few lucky ones end up nibbling grass and alfalfa at Walking Horse Bill's barn. I have already told Aspen and Ashley that their bunnies have a home with these two former "Easter Bunnies" who munch grass and weeds relatively undisturbed.

Two Lucky Bunnies

You notice that I said "...relatively undisturbed..." in describing their somewhat tranquil existence. Even at Bill's "Easter Bunny" rehabilitation center a long-lived bunny keeps a wary eye to the sky. At one time, there were a lot more bunnies wandering the yard than there are today, and you can't blame the population decline on me. A long lived rabbit keeps one eye on me and the other watching for swooping shadows along the ground.

I Have "Easter Bunnies" On My Mind

I have another theory that some "Easter Bunnies" live to participate in even bigger, more important holiday celebrations. After seven months of fattening up, an unlucky bunny might find himself the center of attention at the Thanksgiving table. I understand that turkeys are starting a new campaign that includes the slogan "Eat more rabbit!" Or, was that "Rabbit the other white meat?" I will support either one as long as the selected species isn't canine.

A Thanksgiving Bunny

Once all those "Easter Bunnies" are turned lose, they can have a serious impact on the environment. To make room for the next holiday, humans sometimes take an active hand in determining my furry friend's fate. You might not want your children to see this next picture, but I had to include it to further explain what I think happens after Easter Sunday. It isn't pretty, but I suspect that even mom and dad who bought the rabbits in the first place soon get tired of cleaning up after them. You ever try to house train a real "Easter Bunny?" That's why I am not too worried about a rabbit soon replacing me as the family pet.

After Easter Clean Up on the High Plateau

Finally, I believe a select few, the really good bunnies, end up living the rest of their lives wandering the High Plateau. Over the years selective breeding has produced a super bunny that has incredible size and stamina. In fact, some people who don't ride horses have captured a few and put them to use as pack stock. While these evolved "Easter Bunnies" can't pack as much as a horse, they are cuter and more agreeable by nature than llamas. For you doubters, I have included irrefutable photographic evidence that these pack bunnies actually exist. I saw them with my own eyes and had Dangerous photograph them tied to a horse trailer at the Deer Creek Lake Trail head. Since I am reporting their existence on the Internet, my theory about what happens to "Easter Bunnies" has got to be true. Love to hear from you!

High Plateau Highly Evolved "Easter Bunnies"

Packed and Ready to Go

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

I THINK HE TRIED TO KILL ME!!!



Rose and Dangerous

I wasn't there for this one, so I have to turn the narrative over to Rose the Horse who was an unwilling participant. I rarely trust Dangerous' stories when he relates them after the fact, but I do trust Rose's unvarnished version of the truth. So here's her story about climbing and sliding down Canaan Mountain. It almost sounds biblical doesn't it?

Mule riders are a diverse and somewhat crazy bunch who usually share one common trait. They don't fear death from tumbling off a ledge or cliff. Frequently, their unusual courage comes from a bottle containing the beverage of their choice. Dangerous always thought that Dan was the rare mule man who didn't drink nor use bad language. Because Dan doesn't imbibe and is an incredibly nice guy, Dangerous has always thought he was like the rest of us who fear imminent death. Well, all that changed when Dan showed us the Canaan Mountain trail last Saturday.

Dan and Frank

Canaan Mountain is located a bit east of Hildale, Utah on the Utah-Arizona border. Hildale is famous for the fundamentalist polygamist sect that resides there. In fact, you get to drive past the infamous Warren Jeff's high walled compound to reach the trail head.

As Dan described it, the trail to the top was fairly easy. All you had to do was follow an illegal ATV trail probably pioneered through a wilderness study area by the polygamist kids living in the area. Well, you can imagine Dangerous' chagrin to be riding an ATV trail. According to Dan's description there were a few steep spots on the the trail with some rocky steps that a horse could easily negotiate. He also mentioned a bit of exposure, but once on top the views were worth the trip. Our goal was to circumnavigate the Bee Hive coming down a steep, rocky horse trail on the other side where you might want to get off and lead your horse a short distance.

The Bee Hive

Dangerous has always believed that riding an ATV trail was beneath his dignity. These trails are usually wide and dusty, presenting few challenges to a horse and rider. Well, after riding the Canaan Mountain trail Dangerous has a new appreciation for the foolhardiness of some ATV riders. In his opinion, whoever built this illegal trail was completely insane and made most mule riders appear normal. While I churned my way to the top with Dangerous on my back I could sense an unusual pucker in a certain part of his anatomy all the way through my saddle. Even I experienced real fear when Balthazar fell down in front of me with Bill aboard while trying to climb a steep, slick rock spot. Seeing a 17 hand, 1,100 pound horse spreadeagled on a precipice made me pick my steps more carefully.

Canaan Mountain Trail

Pictures rarely tell the complete story, but this one gives you some sense of the exposure and elevation gain on this trail. It wasn't quite the Grand Canyon, but I suspect the Grand Canyon trail is much easier and safer for a horse or mule to negotiate. With all the steep rocky spots, Dangerous had little time to take pictures, and I wasn't about to stop on a cliff or ledge to give him a good photo opportunity.

The Top

A Well Earned Rest

Reaching the top is usually the hard part of any ride, but not this time. After a short lunch break we had to get back down. That short quarter mile stretch that Dan described where the rider might want to get off and walk turned into a real scramble for both horse and rider. Again, the pictures don't do the decent justice. All I can tell you is that Dangerous tied my reins around my neck and turned me loose to find my own way down. He was willing to risk losing me after I ran up the back of his legs a bunch of times and almost knocked him off the cliff. For the same reasons, Bill did the same thing with Balthazar and fortunately we all made it to the bottom safely.

Exit Trail

Well, we plan to continue riding with Dan but in the future we will ask for more details about the trails he selects. But, for now, how can you not like a guy who names all his mules Frank, and has a sign like this one on the side of his trailer even though he tried to kill us. Love to hear from you!


Friday, April 8, 2011

Wanted: New Horse Riding Buddy

I Am Back

You might be wondering what happened to me. I haven't posted anything for months. Well, there was Dangerous' auto accident in January. After staring death directly in the face, Dangerous hasn't been too interested in typing and posting my ramblings. However, I am not really convinced that the accident is what caused him to neglect helping me with my blog. I think it has more to do with the loss of all his horse riding buddies.


18 Wheelers Don't Sound Like an Angel's Beating Wings

After a real effort on my part, I convinced him that I still have something to say, and in helping me, he could advertise for a new horse riding buddy. So, we are taking applications to join us for this year's riding season on the High Plateau. Dangerous will provide the horse, transportation, meals, and lodging. All you have to do is show up and listen to his constant complaining and unending opinions. Don't let Dangerous' personality discourage you from applying. Just remember the food isn't bad, and I'm good company. I will give anyone who can saddle their own horse a ten point rider's preference when I score the applications.

You are probably wondering what happened to Utah Jack, Fremont Bob, and Walking Horse Bill. All three are who Dangerous has ridden with for years. In my opinion, they got tired of hearing the same old stories and sorry attempts at humor offered by Dangerous and dropped his sorry butt. But, Dangerous has a different theory -- WOMEN. You can tell how "thick" Dangerous is because he can't figure out why his three former riding companions would rather spend time with their girl friends than riding horses with him.

Makeup for Misty

You get a sense of Dangerous' frustration when you see a woman applying lipstick to one of Walking Horse Bill's prized horses. I have been there when Dangerous tries to "Gussie" up Rose the horse with a new halter or bridle. Bill gives Dangerous unending grief about making Rose look like a circus pony, but what about Suzanne applying makeup to Misty. Well, that's an entirely different story!

"Can I Get you Anything Else Dear?"

As the saying goes, "a picture is worth a thousand words." You can easily interpret why Utah Jack hasn't ridden with Dangerous in over a year. Utah will tell you he really doesn't like riding horses, but from the expressions on their faces (especially his), I think you can tell there is a bit more to it. It's more than his many grand-kids occupying Utah's time these days.


This is Not My Girlfriend!

Fremont Bob is probably the most difficult one to understand. He is old enough to know better, but found life alone on the High Plateau too lonely. Snuggling his pet chicken wasn't enough to get him through the cold, windy Wayne County winters. The wind might have affected his sanity, but he is still sane enough not to introduce the new woman in his life to Dangerous, so we don't have a picture.

They Ought to Take a Rope and Hang Me

Maybe this is what happens when you spend too much time alone. Or, maybe it happens because you spend way to much time with horses. Who knows the appropriate balance between women and horses, but I can tell you right now that Dangerous believes that his riding buddies lives are completely out of balance. Well, not everyone has completely abandoned him. Like Dangerous, Dennis has been happily married for decades, and understands completely that the key to a long, happy marriage is a lot of time a part. All we have to do is work on his riding outfit and teach him to saddle his own horse and Dangerous will be back riding the High Plateau this summer with me trailing along.

Iowa Corn Farmer or High Plateau Cowboy?

Over the past five months, I have collected a bunch of material to share with you. Also, the riding and hiking season is getting started on the High Plateau, so I should have some interesting stories to share. Remember to get your applications in soon because the season is getting underway. Actually, you can send them anytime because Dangerous is willing to ride with just about anyone these days. Hope to hear from you!