Friday, April 8, 2011

Wanted: New Horse Riding Buddy

I Am Back

You might be wondering what happened to me. I haven't posted anything for months. Well, there was Dangerous' auto accident in January. After staring death directly in the face, Dangerous hasn't been too interested in typing and posting my ramblings. However, I am not really convinced that the accident is what caused him to neglect helping me with my blog. I think it has more to do with the loss of all his horse riding buddies.

18 Wheelers Don't Sound Like an Angel's Beating Wings

After a real effort on my part, I convinced him that I still have something to say, and in helping me, he could advertise for a new horse riding buddy. So, we are taking applications to join us for this year's riding season on the High Plateau. Dangerous will provide the horse, transportation, meals, and lodging. All you have to do is show up and listen to his constant complaining and unending opinions. Don't let Dangerous' personality discourage you from applying. Just remember the food isn't bad, and I'm good company. I will give anyone who can saddle their own horse a ten point rider's preference when I score the applications.

You are probably wondering what happened to Utah Jack, Fremont Bob, and Walking Horse Bill. All three are who Dangerous has ridden with for years. In my opinion, they got tired of hearing the same old stories and sorry attempts at humor offered by Dangerous and dropped his sorry butt. But, Dangerous has a different theory -- WOMEN. You can tell how "thick" Dangerous is because he can't figure out why his three former riding companions would rather spend time with their girl friends than riding horses with him.

Makeup for Misty

You get a sense of Dangerous' frustration when you see a woman applying lipstick to one of Walking Horse Bill's prized horses. I have been there when Dangerous tries to "Gussie" up Rose the horse with a new halter or bridle. Bill gives Dangerous unending grief about making Rose look like a circus pony, but what about Suzanne applying makeup to Misty. Well, that's an entirely different story!

"Can I Get you Anything Else Dear?"

As the saying goes, "a picture is worth a thousand words." You can easily interpret why Utah Jack hasn't ridden with Dangerous in over a year. Utah will tell you he really doesn't like riding horses, but from the expressions on their faces (especially his), I think you can tell there is a bit more to it. It's more than his many grand-kids occupying Utah's time these days.

This is Not My Girlfriend!

Fremont Bob is probably the most difficult one to understand. He is old enough to know better, but found life alone on the High Plateau too lonely. Snuggling his pet chicken wasn't enough to get him through the cold, windy Wayne County winters. The wind might have affected his sanity, but he is still sane enough not to introduce the new woman in his life to Dangerous, so we don't have a picture.

They Ought to Take a Rope and Hang Me

Maybe this is what happens when you spend too much time alone. Or, maybe it happens because you spend way to much time with horses. Who knows the appropriate balance between women and horses, but I can tell you right now that Dangerous believes that his riding buddies lives are completely out of balance. Well, not everyone has completely abandoned him. Like Dangerous, Dennis has been happily married for decades, and understands completely that the key to a long, happy marriage is a lot of time a part. All we have to do is work on his riding outfit and teach him to saddle his own horse and Dangerous will be back riding the High Plateau this summer with me trailing along.

Iowa Corn Farmer or High Plateau Cowboy?

Over the past five months, I have collected a bunch of material to share with you. Also, the riding and hiking season is getting started on the High Plateau, so I should have some interesting stories to share. Remember to get your applications in soon because the season is getting underway. Actually, you can send them anytime because Dangerous is willing to ride with just about anyone these days. Hope to hear from you!


Gloria said...

Rosie, so good to hear from you after all these months. Don says if he were 20 years younger, he'd sign up in a heartbeat. Anyway, it's true that women can really put a damper on things. I had a boss who once said, "It may be nice to have someone to watch the sunset with, but sometimes you'd just like to watch it alone!"

Liza said...

You sound pretty desperate. I thought about applying but I'd have to ride a Border Collie. Is that okay?

Anonymous said...


Based on the "No Whining" rule of the Anachronistic Older Gentleman's Riding Club and Loafing Society, I'm afraid that Dangerous may have to submit to a nickname change. I would suggest that Liza is on to something when she observes that he sounds pretty desperate. Ole Desperate... has a good ring to it. Personally, I think he may be overreacting. Give Trea just a few more months with him around the house and she'll be out door to door finding him a riding partner anyway. I'd volunteer myself, but it's a little far for me to walk.

As to the matter of Utah Jack, Fremont, and the ladies, Dangerous should know that even the best horse and the most majestic canyon will always come in second to the wiles and charm of a pretty lady. It's a problem I've commented on before, but it might be worth restating...

“The Lady and the Horse”

You’ve heard it said that an ole cowboy
Has a kiss for a horse and a girl
A lady brings laughter, sweetness, and joy
While his horse make him right with the world
Now he finds them both quite alluring
When with one, it’s the other he seeks
When the bronc needs a little more curing
His mind goes to soft, rosy cheeks
But this cowboy has solved the great riddle,
‘Bout ladies and horses and such.
No longer caught in the middle
Brought to heel by a sweet lady’s touch
A touch made all the sweeter, of course
When she said with a smile, “You can keep that old horse.”

Hang in there, Rosie. We missed you.

Becca Hatch said...

Kiki would like to apply- she meets all the required criteria to be your companion:
1. She is not literate.
2. She loves horses.
3. She is an atheist.